Emily Flying Solo

I remember when I was first reading Dickinson, and reading ABOUT her, the fact that she never married was always something that stuck out. It's really not anything rare for a woman to choose that lifestyle (although one is ostracized slightly, especially in Dickinson's time period). The thing that I never really fully grasped was how Dickinson could talk about love, heartbreak, and even marriage in some ways without ever fully experiencing it. And seriously, what was all of this "wife" imagery nonsense about in her poems? To me, it kind of seemed like she was just talking, for the sake of talking. But then again ... maybe there was a reason why she never married. Maybe there is a reason why she portrays the "bride" in such a way and why she is able to talk about love, heartbreak, and the nature of the two with such painful intensity at times. For instance:

"You left me - Sire - two Legacies -
A Legacy of Love
A Heavenly Father would suffice
Had He the offer of -

You left me Boundaries of Pain -
Capacious as the Sea -
Between Eternity and Time -
You Consciousness - and me-"

Obviously, our dear friend Emily felt something...two write about heartbreak and capture it as she does, you must feel it. Then again, who has heard of an author or poet who is completely sane, without any kind of tweaks or strange behavior, without any freaky past experiences that have shaped or influenced their work in some way? I would venture to say that their work would be quite boring if that was the truth. Emily obviously had been through a lot, as was shown through poems such as this that speak a painful truth that nearly everyone who has had their heart broken can relate to. By writing about it, I believe Emily was working through her emotions and attempting to sort them out in a way that would help them make sense to her.

This same idea applies to marriage, even though she never personally experienced it. For example:

"I gave Myself to Him-
And took Himself, for Pay -
The solemn contract of a Live
Was ratified, this way -

The Wealth might disappoint -
Myself a poorer prove
Than this great Puchaser suspec,
The Daily Own - of Love

Depreciate the Vision -
But till the Merchant buy -
Still Fable - In the Isles of spice -
The subtle Cargoes - lie -

At least - 'tis Mutual - Risk -
Some - found it - Mutual Gain -
Sweet Debt of Life - Each Night to owe -
Insolvent - every Noon - "

One of the most frightening aspects about marriage, especially in Emily's society (although it is true in today's society as well in some regards) is the idea that once married, women relinquish their individuality, freedom, and identity to their husband. It begins as love and lust, but ends in the grasp of the societal norms that dictate how each party should act in a marriage. Emily is obviously a very independent person (I will talk more about this in my next post) as is shown through her work. Her poems on the "wife" and marriage may be speculative in some regard, but what is communicated is the fear of what marriage means in life, how that does or does not transfer over into death, and the painful reality of the kind of slavery that settles in once the passion wears off.

The important lesson to learn from all of this is not necessarily to judge just on experience, but to judge on how that experience (whatever it may be, even if it is a lack of experience itself) impacts you through the writing. Ms. Dickinson's fears of marriage and poems on the nature of marriage itself (as strange as some might be) should not be discounted just because she was never married. They do have something to say about Emily's nature and about what she believed was true about the union between a man and woman. More importantly, her words show her thoughts and her struggle to work through the problems to reach understanding, something we all can relate to when it comes to a big, life-altering step such as marriage.


If only Emily's world was like this:



What kind of poetry would we have from her then?